My husband has a problem with games and the computer. Its like when hes not on one hes on the other. I dont mind playing games myself, but I have a limit I set for myself. He works really hard and http://www.itsupportjobdescription.com" alt="IT Support Job Description" target="_blank">supports the family on his own so I feel that I shouldnt say anything. But when he gets up an extra hour early in the morning to play its gone too far. When he gets off work he goes straight to the computer. It wouldnt be a bad thing if we didnt have kids. But we have 3 beautiful daughters that want Daddy to play with them. It kills me when they stand next to him and call him over and over and he doesnt answer them until I say something. Its even got so bad that I have thought about leaving him. I have talked to him and told him he needed to limit himself but he doesnt. Its hard for me to take all the kids out by myself because they are 5,2,and 8months old. I need an extra hand with them. We never do any family things together and when we have he always wants to go home and play. He wasnt like this until we had our 2nd child. So it makes me feel as though we did something to make him want to be lost in a game, like its an exscape or something. A really good friend of mine is the same way but its weird because we talk about it without fighting. He says its like a drug for them and they cant get enough. He even eats dinner at the computer and our sex life has been effected by it.
What should I do??
[question posted by Befronie]
responses and comments:
Hey dont know how much of a help i can be, but here is a try. Well i am a gamming geek too. Have wailed away three years of my life in front of the computer. But the one thhink thats keeps me away frm my comp is sex.. i say give him good sex daily and he will be too tired to get up in the morning to play game with a AI [jask8er]
Yeah that doesnt work. We have sex everyday. It upsets me because I will put the kids to bed and then try to get his attention by sitting on his lap and kissing him or even going further. Most of the time he says "I'm busy". Our sex life wouldnt be bad but I dont feel like it had much meaning anymore. I feel that I am not as attracked to him as I once was and I feel like its because all of his attention in on the game. When we have sex he gets off and I dont. So it makes him upset. And he doesnt get too tierd for the game because he can only get 5 hours of sleep and still get up early just for the game. I love sex and want it almost all the time and we used to have it 4-5 times a day. But now it seems like its once a day if that and its not that good. It makes me mad that his daughter stands next to him and says "daddy" over and over and he doesnt look at her or answer her in anyway. And I say "why dont you want to spend time with us?" and he says "because you and the kids are boring". Thats messed up!!! I love him but am not going to put up with it much longer! [Befronie]
You need to talk to your husband and make sure he knows how it is affecting your life. He may not see a problem with what he is doing. You need to tell him how you feel and how your kids feel and tell him that change is needed. He may feel like there is nothing else for him to do but sit at the computer. You need to set up family dinners and activites to have him interact with the family. You will probably never get him away from computer games, but you can recue his time in front of the computer. Once the kids are in bed you should sit down and ask him about the game he is playing and show some interest. YOu may be able to find a game that you and him can play together a few times a week. [sedel1027]
I have asked him if we could go to counsaling before and he didnt want any part of it. He doesnt really talk to me when I talk. Even when he isnt on the computer and I say we have a problem he says "what problems, we dont have any problems". I hope all is well today with him. It is our 1 year anniversery. But he has to work all day and I'm sure when he gets home he'll be back on the computer. We have been together for almost 4 years but married only 1. He wasnt like this the first 2 years of our relationship. Maybe he got comfortable?? [Befronie]
Befronie, you are not alone. My husband was also a computer gamming addict himself for quite sometime with the same cahracteristic as you have described your husband once infront of the computer. He seemed to deaf, a moron and all the negative titles you could give.I have read all the responses here and found them all valid.But I think it didnt solve your problem. Try what I did. When I got fed up with my husband, what I did was, disregarded his existence at home. I do not get his attention on anything, I eat by myself or with my kids without calling him, I leave the house without leaving any word to him. When I come home, I dont even look at him. i just do my own thing as if he is not around. I also cut our sex activities. This situation went on in about 1 month and a half.Then I noticed that little by little ,he began to open conversations with me and admitted that he felt a stranger in his own home. That gave me the opportunity to tell him the negativity of what he is doing. Then he started doing some break in the computer on his own accord until he finally balanced his attention to his work, his family and his computer. So, why don't you try it. It might work with you too. [19541020]
Haaay, Befronie, I wish I got a magic wand and tick on your husband's head so he would come to his senses. so, just let us know if your situation gets better. good luck. [19541020]
i am addicted to cmputer games specially fifa 2006 [blessonje]
does it affect your relationships??? [Befronie]
YAAA YAA ..THEY CAUSE ADDICTION ..AT LEAST MENTALLY [gimil007]
Why do you think that is? I like to get on and check my mail and talk to people but I limit it to a couple hours a day. I think since I joined mylot I have spent more time on here than ever. [Befronie]
I'm a single dad to my 4 year old son that I have 50% custody of. I would give my right arm to be able to have my son 100% of the time....If you know any arm brokers put us in touch. To ignor his daughters like that is appalling let alone neglect a woman that loves him. Take control and state enough is enough. Time for him to get a wake up call. When you threaten to take the kids and ultimately his cash for this abandonment....he'll come around or you'll be better off without him. [gotOBX]
My guess is what will happen is at some point you will have had enough. Sounds like he's not going to change...for now anyway. But you will wake up one day and have had enough, or something will happen....another argument or missed time together that will push you to change. When it is time to quit riding this horse you'll know it. I just hope it won't be too late for the two of you. Good luck Befronie. [gotOBX]
You say he works hard and supports the family. He is coming home, no sitting in a bar with buddies drinking the night away for relaxation. That's a plus. Although on the computer, he is home with you and the kids. Consider yourself blessed. You say he supports the family on his own. Do you mean that you don't work but have chosen to stay home and raise the children? So I am seeing that you watch these children all day and would appreciate a break at night from them wanting your husband to take over for awhile. He works all day, comes home, and wants a break mentally from pressures of the day. Both of you need that. You asked him to go to counseling, he said no. Are you going to counseling? Counseling can help you learn how to help him. He doesn't see a problem evidently. What you bring back from your counseling will soon affect him. Putting him in the closet is a little childish to me. Is that how you see him, as a child? When my hubby and I were young with two kids, he worked very hard to support us. He wanted me to be home with the kids and I did that. He came home from work tired and hungry. Back then, his diversion was watching tv. It was always on and he was so deep into what he was watching that he didnt hear the kids trying to get his attention. They would come back to me and I would just tell them to go back and try harder lol. He eventually answered them. As they got older, he interacted with them more. He simply was not a person who dealt well with toddlers. So, your competition is computer games, mine was television. And the tv was a diversion from the pressures at work and coming home to toddlers which really rattled his mind. He loved them, but just couldn't understand them lol. Anyways, I suggest you get the counseling to understand how to relate to the problem. Good luck. [Sunset50]
I would love to go to counseling and get some helpful advise on this matter. But I feel like its a chore to bring the kids and dont want them to see how mommy truely feels. When he gets off work at night they are usually in bed. So thats when I try to have my own time and go workout for a hour or so. He plays the whole time I am gone and when I come back. Last night he played until 1am and got upset at me because I was sleeping and hadnt told him to get off. I mean I said I was going to bed what else was I to do?? Yell at him, threaten to turn it off? No if he wants to play that bad then whatever. I dont work because he has said that he doesnt want anyone to watch our kids besides friends and family. Well there arent any of those here. And I have checked into daycare but that is costly here. I havent worked in 2 years and I would start at close to minimum wage $5.15. Daycare would cost me alittle over $6 an hour here. Its crazy! But we are moving closer to home in Jan. so maybe I can work then. I love to spend time with my kids but the extra income would be great. I have been trying out different things online to makes some cash but nothing is working that good so far. And the closet isnt like a small one its a storage closet in our bedroom. I actually think he would like it there. Just because he'd be away from the kids and I. I hope today is better since its our anniversery. [Befronie]
Well, I can say I used to be addicted to a game. I pretty much still am addicted to the computer. I used to play Everquest religiously, which for those who don't know is a pay to play fantasy world where your mind is immersed in a huge virtual world; $15 a month to play. Even though I have/had this "addiction" though, I still manage to have pretty much the best marriage I know of. Of all my friends and even all the people I know, I have an amazing marriage. Plenty of time devoted to my wife. It's totally a mental thing. When addicts play, they forget about this world alltogether. If they wants to relax and let life's stress roll off their back, even stress where you'de have thoughts of killing yourself, they play a game and it goes away. And like a previous person said, it's exactly like taking drugs. It alters the mental state of the user. If he came home and smoked amazingly potent weed, his mental state would be nearly the same(minus the missing brain cells). And I'm not sure that my wife was the sole reason I began to moderate my time and set priorities. It was my own mental decision. When you do have time with him personally, make sure to mention the detrimental effect computers/gaming is having on his children. Give him an idea what the future is gonna look like if he keeps up with the neglect. [SquareKnot]
I have tryed talking to him, writing to him, and even giving him the silent treatment. It wouldnt be so bad if he could just show us some love. Like if we go out he complains that he wants to go home, and when he comes home from work he doesnt even give anyone hugs or kisses just to the computer he goes. I dont mind him playing games because if I could I would more often. But I think he should give us alittle time as well. Hes addicted to D.D.O and we used to play it together not online but in person. I loved it and ask him if we can again sometime and he always says later. So I am not againt the whole game thing I just have needs as well. [Befronie]